Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing the high unemployment rate for older persons.
This innovative scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and then SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired Early Workers). Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on in the workforce will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government has always taken pride in themselves on the amount of SHIT they give to our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to attention of your local MP. Special training has been given to MP’s and staffers to be positioned to give you as much SHIT as you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)
PS – Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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